The Official Unofficial Staff Member

I had a staff member from a church I was working with hit me with this.

We hired a new staff member last week. Well, we didn't really hire her, but she started coming to our management meetings, the Pastor doesn't make any major decisions without asking her, and I think we even started paying her. (And I'm ok with that, because she's here 50 hours a week anyway!) Strangely enough, she has the same last name as the pastor, and rumor has it that they're sleeping together. Good thing they're married!

I couldn’t help but laugh. As a PK, I grew up with my parents serving on staff together at a small church. My dad was the pastor, and my mom didn't get paid, but make no mistake, they both worked there. Growing up with it, it never struck me as odd or out of place. These days, they even have a name for her: First Lady!

As an adult who works with churches daily, I can see the struggle that may exist. On one hand, the pastor’s wife plays an integral role in the ministry. She might lead a ministry and even speak from the main stage from time to time. She’s vital, and the pastor listens to her! On the other hand, how do you interact with someone who isn’t on staff or serve in any official capacity? Can you speak your mind openly? Are you free to offer criticism? Be careful, though. Handling this relationship poorly could be detrimental to your career in ministry!

How does it work in your church? Is there a good way or bad way for this to happen? What are the best (or worst) examples you've seen (in your church, or in another)?